Ten things every Microsoft Word user should know

1. It’s shit
2. It’s shit
3. It’s shit
4. It’s shit
5. It’s shit
6. It’s shit
7. It’s shit
8. It’s shit
9. It’s shit
10. It’s shit

Is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s lovechild the reincarnation of L Ron Hubbard?

Well no, obviously, because that would clearly be ludicrous. Besides which, Scientology is nothing but a giant scam started by a second-rate sci-fi author and followed by a bunch of gullible fuckwits.

It’s the Cosby Show

“Now, you see, Theo, it’s a different world than the world in which I grew up in, in, with the terrorism and the wars and the torture and the rendition and that’s why I am forming a neighborhood Homeland Security patrol, in case one of the orthodontists down the street decides to do something bad with the planes and the explosives and the khhhhhhhh, wump, kaboom; and that’s why you can’t have, you can’t have the last peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Do I make myself clear?”

Straw fails in bid to impress Rice

“It’s bigger than a baby’s arm, baby.”

The meeting God never took

“Let’s see now — Ted from Human Resources is suggesting we make them work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 50 years? Is this guy a crackpot? Who on My green Earth is going to blindly accept that as an enjoyable way to live a life when they could be outside gambolling in large green fields and skipping gaily through the streets? Next idea.”