Bush’s annual surprise physical concludes

“Hope you washed your hands there, Doc.”

Russians plan sex experiment in space

“These boys have won the Ansari XXX prize!”

Bush’s annual surprise physical continues

“You using the whole fist, Doc?”

Bush receives his annual surprise physical

“Now turn your head and cough please, Mr President, while Dr Fuffenheimer warms the rubber glove.”

Three words or phrases that will be banned come the revolution, pt.V

1. De-plane
2. Meme
3. Guesstimate

Sex, Drugs, Hookers, Booze and Guns

These are the names of the all new Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse, following an extensive focus-group-oriented rebranding. Key demographics considered the existing Horsemen brand flat and uninteresting, so the marketing firm Duckling and Crab gave them a makeover, a fifth member; and a kick-ass, in-your-face, fish-out-of-water attitude in order to realign them with today’s fast-moving, advertising-led, multimedia delivery platform savvy world. Originally a sixth member, Terrorism, was to be added to the line-up, but he tested badly with white people aged 18-Republican.

Introducing the Charles Kennedy drinking game!

People across the United Kingdom are playing the Charles Kennedy drinking game. The rules are simple:

• If you breathe in, take a drink
• The winner is the person who holds on to their job the longest

Three words or phrases that will be banned come the revolution, pt.IV

1. Raising awareness
2. End of
3. Brand synergy

Bush meets Fats Domino

“Hey, what’s with this guy? I thought we killed off all the black people down here.”

Cliff Richard is an enormous twat

Sky News (Murdoch) reports the reason why singing walnut Cliff Richard loaned his villa to Tony Blair and his pan-faced wife:

‘PM Looked So Haggard’
Updated: 14:21, Thursday August 24, 2006

Sir Cliff Richard has revealed why he first lent Tony Blair his villa in Barbados.

He says was concerned at how tired the Prime Minister was looking after the Iraq war.

The pop icon told The Guardian: “I saw Tony on television during the war and he seemed dwindled and haggard.

“I thought, whatever gave him the motivation to take that decision (to go to war), he must have felt he had to do it.

“The idea was to do a good deed for someone doing a terrible job.”

Sir Cliff said he got to know the Blairs after Cherie went to one of his concerts.

“We got a request for some tickets and then we had a meal and a couple of times later Tony was able to join us,” he said.

“Our relationship hasn’t bloomed into a close friendship yet. I wouldn’t think of calling Tony up.”

But with both being keen tennis players, they have had the occasional knock-about.

“We don’t play games, we just hit balls. He’s very good. He has the most ferocious forehand and a good serve,” Sir Cliff said.

One subject is strictly off-limits – politics – “because that would spoil things.”

Sir Cliff added: “He must have great difficulty, in the same way that people like myself do, in finding friends who want you for yourself.

“So I wanted Cherie and Tony to think ‘They’re friends of ours, they never ask us for anything’.”

Ignoring the inadvertent humour caused by the line, “The idea was to do a good deed for someone doing a terrible job”, Cliff, who is responsible for inflicting the execrable Mistletoe And Wine on the general public, has proven himself to be the most worthless, warbling, brown-nosing cocksporran in the country and, as such, should stick his villa up his arse and fuck right off.