Lunatics invade Labour party conference

Richard Branson explains how he keeps his looks

“I’m on the Peter Stringfellow diet.”

Bill Clinton makes a terrible mistake

“Hey baby, fancy a cigar?”

Bush reveals why he will disregard the Geneva Conventions

“In order to defeat our great enemy and make the world a better place, we must recruit as many soldiers to our cause as possible, train them in special camps in the use of arms and explosives, and send them to foreign countries to torture people and blow them up.”

Bill Gates outlines what he’d like to see from the Clinton Global Initiative

“Frankly, I’d like to see him do the cigar thing!”

The Clinton Global Initiative outlines its goal

“I intend to insert a cigar into a woman from every country on Earth.”

The Bangkok defrock

The Japanese parliament has issued in the form of a short poem a statement in favour of the military overthrow of the government in Bangkok. Yes, because they like you it’s a Thai coup haiku.

That Tom Burton moustache speech in full

On Monday 18th September, systems analyst Tom Burton appeared before a congressional oversight committee to answer questions regarding the conduct of the government Office of Facial Hair during his application to shave off his moustache. Since late March this year, men have been required for reasons of national security to notify the Office of Facial Hair if they wish to shave off or significantly alter their moustaches or beards. During the hearing, Burton gave this answer to the question of whether freedom of facial hair was vital to democracy:

“Mister chairman, members of the committee: you ask, in a building constructed out of dedication to the ideals and beliefs of our forefathers, if the limiting in any way of the growth or removal of facial hair is at all detrimental to the constitution and democracy itself, and I say with great commitment that the answer is yes. That attack on freedom on September 11th 2001 has resulted, by the hand of men and women who claim to defend it, in the curtailment of that very same freedom. A moustache here, a beard there; a warrant here, a right there; small things, nipped away at the edges, until one day a man or woman cannot move without fear of drawing the prying eyes of law enforcement upon themselves.

It is no longer important if I wish to maintain a moustache or not; it is no longer important if I look ten years younger or not; for though I began this fight for those reasons it has, over time, taken on a different complexion; one that is more important than my itching upper lip. If our right to be what we want to be within laws of reason is violated; if our rights to move freely, speak freely, shave freely are removed in the name of security, in the name of protecting freedom, then we are no longer free and that very fight for freedom is rendered a nonsense by those we voted to protect and look over us. Mister chairman, you ask if denying a person his rights is an affront to democracy and I say again, with great commitment, that the answer to that question is yes, and may you and the members of this committee be ashamed for believing a question of that nature need even be asked.”

Nasty shock for Saddam as trial continues

“Oh shit, I left the gas chamber on!”

Things looking up for Bush

The latest Gallup poll shows that George W. Bush’s approval rating has risen from 39% to 44%. (link will self destruct in a month). This is great news for Bush, as this now means that only 56% of the country thinks he’s an incompetent, corrupt, lying moron who can’t be trusted. That must be a great source of comfort to him.

Bush approval rating rebounds in new poll
Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:43am ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – President George W. Bush’s approval rating has rebounded to 44 percent, the highest level in a year, in the latest USA TODAY/Gallup Poll, the newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Bush’s approval rating jumped five points from 39 percent in the previous poll conducted earlier this month.

The bounce comes with seven weeks before elections to deicide control of Congress amid falling gas prices and a renewed campaign by Bush to boost support for the Iraq war and to portray Republicans as more competent than Democrats on security, the newspaper said.

Bush’s approval rating edged up largely on the strength of Republicans coming back to the fold with 86 percent saying they support him now, compared to 70 percent in May, USA Today said.

For the first time since December 2005, a majority of people polled did not say the war in Iraq was a mistake. The respondents were evenly split at 49 percent to 49 percent, the report said.

However, the poll finds that the Iraq war continues to be a problem for Bush. Sixty percent said he does not have a clear plan for handling Iraq and 75 percent said Iraq is in a civil war, USA Today said.

The telephone poll of 1,003 people was conducted September 15-17, and has a margin of error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.