That’s one slippery tongue you’ve got there

Iraq inquiry call rejected by MPs

But Defence Secretary Des Browne told the BBC that “when the time is right, of course there will be an inquiry”.

A government source later said this had been a “slip of the tongue” and Mr Browne fully supported the government’s Iraq policy.

Mr Browne later stated that black was white and that the Pope was a devout muslim.

Cheney plans his next holiday

“I’m going waterboarding!”

Blair and Brown complement each other perfectly

“Prick.”
“Cunt.”

British visit the crazy place even the Americans have yet to go

The heads of the British police are pushing for the government to make flag burning illegal. This is quite clearly the most insane thing ever — a flag is a piece of material with a pattern on it and is nothing more than a symbol of a nation — a flag can be burned without harm to the nation, and that’s as it should be; even Americans haven’t been able to squeeze this particular piece of lunacy into a law, though it’s probably only a matter of time.

Criminalising flag burning is, apparently, part of “a drive to crack down on Islamic extremists” but, to make sure no-one thinks the police are frighteningly racist scumbags, they’ve made sure the proposals have been submitted by “Britain’s most senior muslim police chief, Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur”. So that’s alright, then.

These police chiefs are also advocating “a police power, when approving demonstrations and marches, to attach conditions covering banners and making clear demonstrators should not cover their faces”. Conditions covering banners? Does that mean prior approval of the wording of protest banners, or that the banners themselves shouldn’t be made of anthrax and bombs? Because I’m pretty certain we can all get behind one of those conditions while the other is grim beyond belief. It makes you wonder how many laws these extremist cunts can pass that will limit our ability to get rid of them before we realise they’ve finally gone too far.

Get out there and burn a flag while you still can.

700 mile long US/Mexico border fence approved

“This is great news for scared white Republicans who don’t need maids, as there’s now only 1,251 more miles of open border.”

Hillary Clinton was 59 yesterday

“Give that woman a cigar!”

The worst people in the world

The worst people in the world are not serial killers, genocidal dictators, dimwitted presidents of unnamed countries, rapists, child molestors or reality TV stars; the worst people in the world are people who have the sheer gall — the unbridled audacity — to sincerely utter as though it were the sagest of advice any variation of the phrase, “Life is not a dress rehearsal!”

These people should be should be mangled into bits and shat out of a pipe into the nearest sewage farm.

Celebrity maths with Andie MacDowell

Andie MacDowell + acting = splinters

Schwarzenegger on the campaign trail

“Now, I show you how to break a man’s arm using nothing but your bare hands and 25 years of steroid abuse.”

Prints of darkness

No matter how advanced computers become; how reliable and how fast they become; at some point you’ll need a hard copy of a document, and that’s when your printer will whirr into life and piss all over your work like a contemptuous robot. Lose the attitude, printy boy — you’re just a jumped-up photocopier with delusions of grandeur and, as such, it’ll only take one well-placed cup of coffee down one of your many vents to end your paper-chewing reign of terror.