“Hi, I’m Ted Penisballs, and this is Cillit Fuck! Cillit Fuck is a multi-purpose cleaner and stripper that loves to tackle grime and built-up faeces around the house. Cillit Fuck will strip the fur off a cat, botox your face, and dissolve a corpse, as well as shampoo your carpets and sterilise your soft furnishings!
But it’s so much more than a rug disinfectant — it’s an anal bleacher and an air freshener. Yes, Cillit Fuck’s scientific combination of asbestosites and free radicals sodomises bad odours, leaving your room self-harmingly fresh and, even if you’ve eaten a dodgy pastie and are on the arse parp travelator, your anuses sparkling white. If Cillit Fuck can’t strip it, burn it off, disintegrate it or poison it away, we’ll give you your money back and the inventor will inject a full bottle into his remaining eyeball!
Cillt Fuck. Fuck! And the dirt is gone.”
