Some reviews of this site

Toothpaste Review: “A minty fresh blast of irreverence that playfully scrapes the tongue of the establishment”.

Organ Donor Monthly (“See Your Kidney In Paris Hilton or Tom Cruise With Our Interactive Celebrity Organ Donation CD-ROM!” issue): “A waste of bile”.

Ear Wax Builder magazine: “You Are Sleeping is the Q-Tip you know you shouldn’t stick in your ear, but it feels so good you just can’t resist”.

The British Journal Of Waste Management: “Rubbish.”

The American Journal Of Waste Management: “Garbage.”

What Reacharound?: “A vigorous handjob exploding in the face of the world’s most annoying celebrities”.

Gravy World: “A meaty concoction of delicious fluids thickened with profanity.”

Belated e-mail replies to songs, no.1

Dear Pink,

That explains why all your songs are shit.

–

On 28 August 2006, at 11.00am, Pink wrote:

> I’m not here for your entertainment

Reflections on breakfast

All Bran is one cereal you don’t want turning the milk brown.

Ocean’s 13 stars Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Matt Damon go to the bank

Country and Western album of the week

Tragic Accident by The Wanky Lanyards. Here’s the album tracklisting:

1. Desperate Housewife Fellatio Bus Crash
2. I Went To Disneyland And All I Got Was This Lousy Dead Kid
3. Why Did I Register That Gun In My Name?
4. Jesus Got Me Drunk And Bummed Me To Heaven
5. I Never Meant To Hurt You But You’re So Damn Punchable
6. God Kidnapped That Woman And Stashed Her In My Attic
7. One More Cup Of Coffee And Seven More Pints Of Cider Before I Drive You Home
8. It’s Hard To Be A Child Molester In A Town As Small As This
9. Upskirt Dreams
10. Domestic Violence Hoe-down

Another short poem about U2

With,
Or without you;
Without you.

Cardinals and bishops queue to meet Pope

“I come all this way and all I get is a lousy fucking handshake? What, you don’t like that, God boy? Who’re you going to complain to? I’m the Pope, bitch!”

These aren’t just coat hangers…

… These are oak-smoked 21-day-matured pan-fried Marks & Spencer coat hangers.

People who need to be severely killed, pt.2

1. Flowery twat and music journalism’s cheesiest dildo Charles Shaar Murray
2. Chirpy, fluffy-faced soul-raping harbinger of dread Noel Edmonds
3. Asda bread whoring comedienne and twee song spouting annoyance Victoria Wood
4. Tribute to flatulence and BBC Radio 1’s most popular misogynist Chris Moyles
5. CSI: Miami’s ginger-haired prune-faced shades-wearing standing at an angle and looking at the ground smug one-liner reciting cyborg Jesus, David Caruso

Blair goes out on a song

“There may be trouble ahead, but while there’s music and moonlight and love and romance, let’s watch the world destroy itself while we get drunk and count our money.”