A message to the troops from the U.S. Secretary of Defense

“Hello. I’m U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. Most people don’t know much about me, because whenever someone mentions my name they usually think of that Microsoft guy, the bastard. But I’m out there every day, six days a week, two hundred and goddam something days a year doing the defending of our once great nation. Yep, you can find me most or some nights patrolling the borders of my mansion, keeping terrorists and squirrels at bay armed only with panic button and a private security firm. I’m doing my bit to keep the terrorist and squirrel population in check, and so can you. After all, isn’t that the American dream?”