“Hi I’m actor Tom Cruise and I’m here to say woo! and yeah! and to grin my trademark grin and generally be enthusiastic about everything including my lovely wife Katie Wife who proves I’m not gay because I’m not gay and I’ll fuck any man who says otherwise woo yeah!
I’m here promoting my new film High Concept Sci-Fi Comedy Romance Thriller Number 7,348 co-starring the gorgeous Nicole Kidman who I think I’ve worked with before — all I know is I’d certainly fuck her because she’s a woman and I’m not gay yeah! The movie is directed by Spielberg with a script by the guy who won an Oscar for Worthy Three Hour Long Allegory Movie Number 709, so you know it’s going to be good — plus I did all my own stunts in the movie except for the dangerous ones woo!
What’s the movie about? Woo yeah! I was hoping you’d ask me that — it’s about an everyday normal type of guy — totally straight — played by me who happens to live in a future where teeth are a sought-after commodity. Anyway the villain played brilliantly by some British guy discovers that I have more than 300 teeth and tries to kill me but I brilliantly escape and go on the run yeah! Amazingly I used all my own teeth in the film even though Steven wanted to use stunt teeth. What else do you want to know? Ask me anything but don’t you dare say anything about my height or scary Scientology Jesus will come and get you woo yeah!“
