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"My ballbag brings all the girls to the yard." 18 minutes ago
On Sky News now: Britain in Chaos as snow stops. "It's dry everywhere!" screams Barry Arse of Grantham. "And the council is doing nothing!" 40 minutes ago
On Sky News now: Britain in chaos as five minutes worth of snow falls in five minutes. Thousands tut or go "oo". 46 minutes ago
Quick, phone Sky News! It's snowing a bit! 47 minutes ago
I made a rod for my own back there, so I'm abandoning weather horoscopes. Leave me alone. I've still got a cold. I might die. 59 minutes ago
If you were born between the 16th of April and the 18th of May you are Sol, the sun. You are hot but also shit out of luck. 1 hour ago
If your birthday is between the 17th of March and 15th of April you are Haily, some hail. You like to irritate people by banging on windows. 1 hour ago
If you were born between the 14th of February and the 16th of March you are Windy, the wind. You like people called Gail and blowing things. 1 hour ago
If it's your birthday between the 12th of January and the 13th of February you are Rainy, the rain cloud. You are wet and like wet things. 1 hour ago
