Bloody rocket scientist hooligan bastards

NASA smashes a rocket into the Moon and it’s a groundbreaking scientific experiment, but when I asked them if I could crash a Mini Metro into Mars they were all “Oh no, that would be a serious waste of our time”. If they turn around in six months and say they’re going to fly a bus into Jupiter I’m going to be fucking furious.

However, I won’t mind if they fly a submarine into Uranus. Snigger.

That David Cameron speech in full

“I’m not a toff, I’m the people’s pipsqueak, I’m blah blah waffles rah rah we’re going to smash the oiks. Chips. Look at my hair, my lovely lovely hair and my clammy pink skin. Bicycle. A Waitrose in every home. I call a brunch a brunch. Sun dried tomatoes. Tax. Education. Remember the hair. Oust. A bad thing happened, vote for me. Applaud my lovely wife who recently completed her horse change operation. Lame joke. Naughty Labour. I’m not gay. Now if you’ll excuse me, grease guzzlers, it’s Pimm’s O’fucking clock.”