Birmingham

Birmingham city centre is like Hell, but with funny accents.

Ninja proctologists prepare for action

“Bend over; we’ll be in and out before you know it.”

More on The Apprentice UK

Even if Siralan Sugar wasn’t such a gobby chancing shit-peddling poodle-haired prickweasel; even if he didn’t hire those two blank-faced robot arse-lickers to sit either side of him for some reason; even if The Apprentice wasn’t just a self-aggrandising excuse to bring in some money because what the fuck does Amstrad sell any more; he’d still be the most obnoxious cunt in Britain just for having his chair higher than everyone else because he thinks it’s intimidating when, if anything, it makes him look like an adult baby sitting in a high chair. I imagine he’s wearing a nappy under that desk, and the stern arse-licking fembot who sits to his right changes him whenever he has an ‘accident’.

Think of the most unpleasant way you can for someone to die, then have it fail the first time and have to be repeated. May that happen to Siralan on a daily basis and twice on Thursdays until the end of time.

You should be ashamed of yourself

According to WordPress, someone arrived at this site yesterday using the search term “kate mccann naked”. That’s horrible — I mean, she’s not even that fit.

Childlike supervillain creates giant teddy bear

“It will melt your heart, then dissolve your face.”

There is no God

Worth it for the headline and the last paragraph.

Schizophrenic commenter

Commenters Christy, Paula, Cliff and Kelly, who rose to the defence of crooning God-bothering leather-faced gimp Cliff Richard on the post Cliff Richard is an enormous twat all, remarkably enough, share the same IP address. In fact, two of them even share the same comment.

Must try harder.

Apple Mac OS X contains a swear word

Under Mac OS X 10.3.9 and 10.4.7, in /etc/periodic/daily/500.daily bored and easily amused users can find the sentence “Clean up NFS turds”.

It’s needless sexism time!

“Well, that’s the last time I try to pee standing up.”

I’d just like to thank that bird from the James Bond film…

As of this writing, 2,003 people have viewed these pages. What that means in reality is that 6 people have read all the posts and 1,997 people have landed here after searching for any given variant of “Denise Richards naked”. Praise be to perverts.