God: “Peace out, chimps”

Dr Rowan Williams, the mad-faced Archbishop of Canterbury, is great. Not only have his recent blatherings prompted the fnarrtastic BBC News headline God ‘will not give happy ending’, but his remarks could easily be interpreted by the sane as an admission that, if you’re religious, you might as well stop wasting your time because it’s all an elaborate fairytale and God will not intervene to stop humanity from destroying itself. Nor will He wank off the faithful for money, because he runs a legit massage business and He’ll have none of that funny stuff.

Pope plays practical joke on Bush

“Look, God!”

Lolpope

To the Popemobile!

“Man, this sucks. Why can’t I have a Ferrari like Tutu?”

Pope and homies arrive Stateside

“Yo yo yo, what’s up my cardinals, this is the P to the O to the P to the motherfornicating E! Stay in school, don’t use condoms. Peace out, dawgs!”

He’s behind you!

“The great thing about being Pope is that it always feels like God is looking over your shoulder.”

A very special message from the Pope

“Pope like chair!”

Cardinals and bishops queue to meet Pope

“I come all this way and all I get is a lousy fucking handshake? What, you don’t like that, God boy? Who’re you going to complain to? I’m the Pope, bitch!”

Pope forms comedy double act to win over Turkish people

“Anyone in from Turkey? You sir. Is that your wife or are you just a terrorist? Blown up any buildings lately? Hey Ali, I wouldn’t say all Islamics are terrorists, but… ah ladels and jellyspoons, it’s time for me to go, but I’d just like to thank your friend and mine, Ali Bardakoglu, and finish on a song. This is a little number I call ‘My God’s Better Than Yours’. I’m better than yoo-hoo, because my god’s better than yours. I went to the doctor and he told me I was fine, because my god’s better than yours. Everybody!”

Pope screws it up in Turkey

“Dude, thanks for the present. I totally got you something too — it’s a cartoon of Muhammad I drew on the plane.”