God: “Peace out, chimps”

Dr Rowan Williams, the mad-faced Archbishop of Canterbury, is great. Not only have his recent blatherings prompted the fnarrtastic BBC News headline God ‘will not give happy ending’, but his remarks could easily be interpreted by the sane as an admission that, if you’re religious, you might as well stop wasting your time because it’s all an elaborate fairytale and God will not intervene to stop humanity from destroying itself. Nor will He wank off the faithful for money, because he runs a legit massage business and He’ll have none of that funny stuff.

Pope plays practical joke on Bush

“Look, God!”

Let’s patronise atheists, says leading Cardinal

The Archbishop of Westminster has urged Christians to treat atheists and agnostics with “deep esteem”.

The leader of Roman Catholics in England and Wales said that a “hidden God” was active in everyone’s life.

In other words, Christians should humour atheists and agnostics because God really exists and non-believers are simply poor deluded fools.

The good news is that because of the Cardinal’s wise words, my mind has been changed and I now believe — that the Archbishop of Westminster is Britain’s top sanctimonious dress-wearing cunt. Amen.

He’s behind you!

“The great thing about being Pope is that it always feels like God is looking over your shoulder.”

U.S. cardinals much hipper than normal cardinals

“God is dawg spelt backwards, mofo.”

God moves the goalposts

CNN reports that America’s child molestors, otherwise known as Catholic bishops, have decided to use new translations of God botherers’ favourite rites and prayers:

The new translation alters the wording of key texts spoken by Catholics during worship, including the Nicene Creed, the Gloria, the Penitential Rite, the Sanctus and Communion.

Presumably to add, “You’re wasting your time,” at the end.

God has a wee on the Pope

“At least he isn’t having a shit.”

The meeting God never took

“Let’s see now — Ted from Human Resources is suggesting we make them work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 50 years? Is this guy a crackpot? Who on My green Earth is going to blindly accept that as an enjoyable way to live a life when they could be outside gambolling in large green fields and skipping gaily through the streets? Next idea.”