Gordon Brown has a message for you

“You’re sacked.”

Was Sarah Palin responsible for her best friend’s suicide?

“For the last time, I did not encourage Susan Sarandon to drive off a cliff at the end of Thelma And Louise.”

Notorious Mayoral election flasher strikes again

“Hello madam, would you like to see the results of my poll?”

Message to Frank Spencer

Admitting to making “mistakes” over abolishing the 10p tax rate and saying that you’re “listening” and “learning” as prime minister makes you sound like you don’t know that screwing pensioners and the poor is generally frowned upon. As chancellor, you had 10 years of watching Tony fuck the country to death; you could have used that time to learn how not to be a giant hated lying cock instead of wading in and buggering the corpse to oblivion.

You Are Sleeping‘s top tip: don’t be cunty.

Blast from the past

Still a massive jug-eared quim then, Tony? Good.

Canada in bid to improve relations with U.S.

“Room 3841 after the conference. I’ll be the one in the cowboy hat and thong.”

Gordon Brown, prime minister of love!

“So I said to her, I said, ‘Baby, once you go Brown, you never go back’.”

Queen in surprise comeback

“Ha. Swear allegiance to me, motherfuckers.”

Poll: Obama needs to be gayer, more disabled to be elected

In a shock poll by CNN today, results indicated that Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama may be losing ground in the primaries because he is too heterosexual and able-bodied.

“Photographs of Mr Obama kissing his wife and walking are ruining his image with key Democratic voters eager to eliminate in one stroke the guilt they feel over voting for George W. Bush 4 years ago,” said political pollster Tony Asscocks. “It’s bad enough that he’s not a woman, but thankfully neither is Hillary.”

John McCain, a brief biography

John Sidney McCain III (born August 29, 1936) is the senior United States Senator from Arizona and a candidate for the Republican Party nomination in the 2008 presidential election.

McCain became a naval aviator in 1958 and on his 23rd bombing mission over North Vietnam later in 1967, he was shot down and badly injured, and endured five and a half years as a prisoner of war. It is during his imprisonment that he famously invented oven chips, and a rectangular pizza that could be cooked using radio waves.

In 1988 McCain, having been elected to the U.S. Senate from Arizona in 1986, single-handedly saved the offices of the Nakatomi Corporation in Los Angeles from a group of German terrorists, an act that almost certainly won him Senate re-election in 1992.

Similar events at Washington’s Dulles Airport in 1990 and in New York in 1995 led McCain to seek the Republican nomination in the 2000 presidential election, only to be defeated by George W. Bush in one of the dirtiest campaigns in living memory.

McCain’s second attempt at gaining the nomination for the 2008 presidential elections was nearly derailed in 2007 when a group of hackers attempted to shut down the United States computer infrastructure. With the aid of another hacker, McCain was able to quickly resolve the problem and save the country, but at the expense of his own political campaign.

McCain’s spare time is spent with his family and at the frozen food company which he founded in 1975.