The realisation that whenever you go on holiday, the arseholes you left behind will still be there when you get back, giving you the same shit they gave before you left, talking the same bollocks about nothing and asking you to do the same pointless work, is powerfully depressing. There are things that, during your lifetime, you should see — a computer screen displaying Word documents is not one of them.
When you try to book a week off work only to find that someone has got there before you. Life is hard.
The old office water cooler has just been replaced with a shiny new one that will dispense cold and, brace yourselves for this, HOT water. Cue an afternoon of shiny-arsed clerks coming in to use it and going, “Ooo, you’ve had a new water cooler.” Well fucking spotted, you romping great mongs.
Only joking, of course it fucking isn’t. It’s a miserable, pissing down, dark, dull, Monday morning marking the start of another soul-destroying, mind-numbing week on auto-pilot pissing out meaningless work for vapid buzzword-spewing morons in a cold, clinically lit building and being paid pathetic amounts of money for the privilege. Roll on death.
“Let’s see now — Ted from Human Resources is suggesting we make them work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 50 years? Is this guy a crackpot? Who on My green Earth is going to blindly accept that as an enjoyable way to live a life when they could be outside gambolling in large green fields and skipping gaily through the streets? Next idea.”
